I reckon flying to and from Stratford during the Olympics could start to grate after a while. Sadly, underground travel isn’t an option for us, with the tricky change involving escalators at Liverpool Street. But then I remembered those special Olympic fast lanes popping up all over the place. Genius. Surely in my capacity as Time Out’s Olympic correspondent, the magazine could sort me a friendly cabbie? All he’d have to do is pop a few paper towels down, just in case. Me and a couple of pals zipping along to Stratford in the back of a cab. Perfect. But then I bumped into Malcolm… Malcolm is a pigeon who loves nothing better than a black cab. He’s obsessed. Said he’d like to be one if he could. Malcolm told me that black cabs weren’t allowed to use the lanes. He’s so pissed about it he’s started a campaign called ‘Reclaim the Lanes’. If that doesn’t work, we could do an angry fly-by over Boris?
Another personal disappointment was the Shard. Went down there last week to the tallest and most pointed building in Europe ready to enjoy the view… No ledges. Not a single one. What is it with the no ledge thing? People used to love ledges. You can’t even sit on top of it, it’s that pointy. Still, might be able to leave a deposit on it as a protest, though. Imagine having to clean all those windows every week?