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25 reasons why James Bond would be the worst flatmate ever

Posted at 6:00 pm, October 17, 2012 in Fun London
Bonds. Jameses Bonds.

“The name’s Bond, J…”
“I know your name, James. We live together.”

James Bond – undoubtedly one of cinema’s coolest customers. A debonair ladies man with a license to kill; what fella wouldn’t want to be him?

But funnily enough, we moviegoers never see him chilling out with a few mates. He might be romancing a beautiful woman in Venice or playing poker in Monaco, but there’s no pints down the Red Lion, no stag-do’s, no house parties. But maybe, just maybe, it’s because being 007’s mate might be bit of a nightmare. And living with him would be even worse. Here are 25 reasons why Bond’s better off On Her Majesty’s Secret Service than Sharing A Flat With You.

On his days off, he’s not always that cool:

The Living Daylights (GIF: tendermercies.tumblr.com)

When he comes to your room for a chat, he forgets to knock:

Goldeneye (GIF: lerosier.tumblr.com)

Does the same joke every day:
“Ask me what I did today.”
“What did you do today?”
“Can’t say! LOLZ!”

James Bond GIF

KEEPS SMOKING INSIDE and then does his “Oh, is this a problem?” face:

Dr No.

Somehow manages to make guests slightly uncomfortable:

Live and Let Die (GIF: tendermercies.tumblr.com)

Whenever someone introduces themselves he just says:

Diamonds Are Forever (GIF: samljackson.tumblr.com)

After a couple of drinks starts doing his ‘sexy face trick’ to all your female friends:

OHMSS. (GIF: thebrigadiersmoustache.tumblr.com)

He thinks curtains are ‘magic’ and calls them ‘hangy-down window blankies’:

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (GIF: solomonscane.tumblr.com)

There’s that one night you found him sneaking around the landing in a skirt:

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (GIF: sociomedia.tumblr.com)

And his strange peeking habit in general is unnerving:

Live and Let Die (GIF: tendermercies.tumblr.com)

Like, every time you get in a car together:

Live and Let Die (GIF: tendermercies.tumblr.com)

Talking of cars, he’s a frankly dangerous driver:

The Man with the Golden Gun (GIF: markliddell.tumblr.com)

That time you hired a Streetvan was a disaster:

James Bond can't drive a truck. (GIF: seavidae.tumblr.com)

Just getting behind the wheel makes him super anxious:

The Living Daylights (GIF: tendermercies.tumblr.com)

And when you asked if he was actually insured, he just did this face:

The Spy Who Loved Me (GIF: thisisevesix.tumblr.com)

Once you’re out on the town, he always squares up to bouncers…

Moonraker (Photo: tendermercies.tumblr.com)

And goes on about being a ‘Commander’ in the Navy even though they’ll only let him have a jetski:

The Spy Who Loved Me (GIF: blackjackaught.tumblr.com)

It seems like he’s constantly quitting his ‘secret’ job in a strop:

Licence to Kill (GIF: createyourhistory.tumblr.com)

But his brief attempt at being a used-car salesman mostly involved swindling sweet elderly chaps:

Tomorrow Never Dies

When you took him to a gig once, he looked really confused during the applause, and afterwards asked you “what was that weird handbanging thing at the end?”:

You Only Live Twice (GIF: sociomedia.tumblr.com)

He never gets your text messages because his “watch ran out of paper”:

James Bond's FUTURE WATCH!

He’s totally convinced the camera loves him:

Moonraker (GIF: thisisevesix)

But his ‘photo-smile’ actually looks like this:

Moonraker (Photo: thisisevesix.tumblr.com)

On beach trips he always sulks if he doesn’t win volleyball:

Casino Royale (GIF: totalfilm.tumblr.com)

Although he’s sometimes more Saga Holidays than International Super Spy:

Octopussy Bond

If you arrange to meet:

James Bond running (Skyfall)

He won’t be late:

Bond running in Skyfall.

No matter what:

James Bond running through Whitehall

Even if he doesn’t stand on the right (or walk on the left):

James Bond leaping. Skyfall.

And now and then, he even brings the Queen with him:

James Bond and the Queen at the Olympic Opening Ceremony.

Ok, maybe he’s not so bad after all.

Read our review of Skyfall;
Our interview with the director, Sam Mendes:
Or our take on ten retro references from the trailer alone.

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