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Sliced bread skyscrapers and a theme park for dogs: today’s best and worst April Fools stories

Posted at 4:45 pm, April 1, 2014 in Fun London, News
Thorpe Bark, April fools

It’s April 1 again, the day when pranks are deemed fair game by everyone from the biggest technology giants to the smallest local paper. No matter how well you prepare yourself, you’re bound to be deceived by at least one well constructed article/announcement. Inevitably there were also plenty of crap ones. Come on, a penguin laying a golden egg? Must try harder.

Sorting the dross from the deceptive, we’ve compiled a list of 13 fools; ones we wished were true, those that we almost fell for and ones that barely raised a chortle.

warburtons april fools

Stories we wished were true

Thorpe Bark
While most of us realised instantly how impossible this would be, there’s no way we weren’t getting excited about the idea of a theme park for dogs. Sadly it seems canine coasters will remain a beautiful dream for the foreseeable future.

Domino’s edible pizza box
Though there’s healthy debate in the office whenever the question of which is the best takeaway pizza place is raised, the idea of Domino’s introducing an edible container, ingeniously called the ‘edibox’, is one we can all get behind.

Warburtons’ loaf towers
We’re all for London architects continuing their love affair with food-based skyscrapers and the idea of two loaf-shaped high rises to sandwich in the Gherkin is one we’re sad we’ll never see.

Addison Lee to launch Aquacabs
For all those who’ve been stuck in thick traffic on a cab journey home, the thought of taking a shortcut across the Thames is an incredibly appealing one. With hover cars still yet to materialise, Aquacabs seemed like the answer to all our travel woes, but alas they’re just another pipe dream.

Walrus Adventure to Margate

Stories that are almost believable

The lost church under Charing Cross station
IanVisits pulled off a story so detailed many of us were nearly convinced. Nearly, but not quite. He described the existence of a secret church hidden beneath Charing Cross station, including a latin inscription alleged to reside on the great altar. We wouldn’t be surprised to see this in some papers tomorrow.

Geysers flood Epsom and Ewell
Given how crazy British weather has been lately, rumours of dormant geysers erupting to flood much of Epsom and Ewell weren’t absurd enough for us to immediately raise an eyebrow. Combine that with reported news that the flood had enabled thousands of ducks to escape and we were almost sold.

Royal Albert Hall set for a retractable roof
Plans to transform the iconic concert venue into a ‘multi climate event space’ didn’t seem too far fetched when the article explained the Hall’s original blueprints detailed an open-air arena – especially when you consider the trouble London venues have had with old roofs of late. Yet considering the building’s Grade I listing, news of a retractable roof seems a little too farfetched.

Horniman walrus hijacked
News that the Horniman Museum’s iconic stuffed walrus had been stolen and moved to the centre of a King’s College sports ground and losing a tusk in the process wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility – until they blamed Shia Le Beouf for the crime. We know he’s in the midst of some sort of breakdown, but stealing a walrus? He’s not that crazy…

Psychedelic West End section of Crossrail
We’re pretty proud of our own deceptive April Fools effort, detailing how the West End stretch of Crossrail will resemble that eye-watering tunnel in Willy Wonka’s factory. Many seemed to fall for the prank, though those who recognised the ruse did so because our suggestion that Michael McIntyre would voice the announcements were simply too horrible to comprehend. 

Stories that were batshit crazy

Hens in Suffolk lay square eggs
Square eggs? Really, guys? Really?

Algae burgers
We know student food isn’t the best, but algae burgers at Greenwich University? Not even freshers would stand for that sort of grub. OK, maybe on a Friday night.

Borderless pop-up in Dalston allows customers to reserve park benches
London loves a quirky pop-up and Dalston is home to its fair share of intriguing and tasty restaurants, but as far as reserving park benches goes, the legal wiggle room seems pretty limited.

300mph Maglev train to connect HS1 and HS2
While the idea of commuting to work at 7G may sound appealing at first, the fact you’d probably lose consciousness after a few minutes seems like a bit of a downside. Though we’re sad that the opportunity to join Kazakhstan’s astronaut programme doesn’t exist.

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