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Spotlight: who shall we blame next for London’s smog?

Posted at 5:45 pm, April 22, 2014 in Fun London, News

[Photo: John Esslinger]

Three weeks ago we blamed our dismal air quality on Saharan dust, and tomorrow, it’s set to be the fault of the French. But who will be responsible next? One of this lot, most likely.

SWEDEN Opening of totally emission-free hydroelectric plant celebrated with the lighting of hundreds of bonfires.

PARIS Dismal cloud of existential ennui mooching pretentiously towards London.

ICELAND Remember that volcano? Just saying.

VATICAN CITY Huge cloud of that stuff that comes out of the thing the Pope swings about, you know the thing.

SWAZILAND Recognised by UNESCO as ‘World Scapegoat Capital 2014’ and it’s all their fault.

DAVID MOYES Reportedly ‘fuming’.

PEOPLE DEAD FROM RESPIRATORY ILLNESS Self-perpetuating deeply-ironic fog of scattered ashes.

TRAFFIC LIGHT REVVERS 99 percent of all atmospheric sulphur dioxide is emitted by from idiots going ‘VRMM, VRMMM’ before lights have changed, studies show.

THE EU ‘Polycyclic Aromatic Hydrocarbon’? I ain’t much for this so-called pollutin’, son, and neither was you ’til they filled yer head with their big-talkin’ claptrap and such.

AIR FILTER MASK MANUFACTURERS Follow the money, people, follow the money.

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