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‘Don’t you know who I am?!’ Five celebrity tribes that ruin festivals

Posted at 10:00 am, June 4, 2015 in Music & Nightlife

What a weekend! #Vfest #goodtimes

A photo posted by Ben Foden (@ben_foden) on


Once upon a time, the closest thing to a celebrity you might expect to see at a festival would be Billy Bragg or maybe that bloke from The Levellers. Kate Moss changed all that in 2003, by going full- on boho at Glastonbury and making messy hair and two-day old eyeliner an indelible part of summer fashion.

But not everyone has the grace to light up a tent like Kate. Nowadays, festivals have become a playground for Z-list celebs to peacock and parade for paps, shilling for brands, flaunting their AAA wristbands on Instagram and generally being as obnoxious as a boil on the bum. Here are five of the worst types of offender.

1. The rugby bro

They have no idea how they got on the guest list and – to be honest – neither does the PR. But they’re here now; like high-muscle-mass ducks out of water. We can only imagine the conversation that led to rugby player Ben Foden and his bros hitting up V Fest last year: ‘Maaaate, only gone and got us VIP. Bring those matching tie-dye vests we got in Magaluf.’ The apocalypse is now.

See also: Peter Crouch, Leighton Baines.


Bad bitch alert

A photo posted by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on


2. The Kardashians

Unsure what the SS15 festival fashion trends are? Take look at Kendall and Kylie Jenner at Coachella. Handily, they’re wearing them all. When the duo weren’t taking side-of-stage selfies with their teenage posse, they were hanging out at big sis Khloe Kardashian’s Coachella pool party. Yes, she had her own pool party. At a festival.

See also: Justin Bieber.

3. The nobility

‘Look at me, I’m one of the people! Sam Smith, yah? That Kanye West, he’s a bit brill.’ Whether it’s ‘Prince Harry at Wireless or Cressida Bonas at Glastonbury, there’s something a bit wrong about ‘cool’ royals eating chips amongst us. And this should not be allowed – unless they’ve got a few cute corgis in tow.

See also: Beatrice and Eugenie, Mike Tindall.

BYE Glastonbury till next year f*$kers!!!

A photo posted by Rita Ora (@ritaora) on

4. The pap-hungry pop star

On one hand, it takes a lot of guts to go full Woody, and we respect that. On the other, this is Rita Ora peacocking for the paps at full pelt. That shag-pile gilet might be a dry cleaning bill waiting to happen, but it’s a ticket to being included in a ’22 Stars Who Looked Fierce At Glasto’ gallery. And that’s all a 2k15 pop star really wants.

See also: Pixie Lott, Little Mix, Ellie Goulding.


5. The ITV2 star

Easy to spot because they’re always the least-cool celebrities at any event. Here is an off-duty Leigh Francis – of boob joker Keith Lemon fame – dressed like a Hairy Biker and casually hanging out at V Festival. Or in other words: the moment The Lad Bible finally defeats all of British pop culture.

See also: The cast of ‘Towie’, Olly Murs.

Read our guide to this year’s festivals

Written by Kate Lloyd

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